okay this just hit my feed and i cannot let it go
matt devries cut his hair.
MATT. DEVRIES. CUT. HIS. HAIR.
i need someone to explain this to me. the hair was load-bearing. the hair was the entire thing. whoever greenlit this decision i need a name and a phone number
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matt devries cut his hair and nobody can explain why
- witness protection. i'm not joking. think about it. the hair was too identifiable. the man was a walking landmark. you could spot matt devries from the back of a 1200-cap venue in complete darkness because of the hair. if you need to disappear — TRULY disappear — the hair is the first thing to go. someone is looking for matt devries. he knows it. we may not see him for a while.
- it was a bet. 100% a bet. my money is on bigmetal dave. some kind of side wager from rehearsal, probably something stupid like who could do a full show without breaking a string, and devries lost and the price was the hair. dave LOVES collecting on bets. i've seen him do it. this has his fingerprints all over it.
- you're all thinking about this wrong the hair LEFT. after years of living on that man's head through the sweat and the smoke and the tour buses and the decade-long hiatus, it made a calculated decision to seek better conditions. the hair unionized with itself, negotiated an exit package, and departed. matt devries did not cut his hair. the hair cut him loose. please update your records accordingly
- management told him to. this is what management does. they see something that works, something that's part of who the artist IS, and they go 'that needs to go, we're rebranding.' they probably made a whole deck about it. 'modernizing the image.' 'broader appeal.' they showed him slides. management is always wrong. always. every time. without exception. and now we're living in the world they made.
- he's going undercover. specifically: a Normal People concert. someone dared him, he accepted, and you cannot walk into a Normal People show looking like matt devries. the hair would cause a scene. there would be incidents. he needs to blend in and the only way to do that was the cut. the man is a method actor. this is research. the hair grows back. the data he collects at that concert will be priceless.
- nobody's going to say it so i will the hair was collateral. some debt came due. terms were clear. the agreement was made years ago, probably in the back of a van somewhere in the midwest, and the creditor finally called it in. the hair was always the agreed-upon payment. this was contractual. matt devries is just a man who honors his debts. respect, honestly. most people would have tried to negotiate. he did not.
- i've been sitting with this for an hour and i think what happened is he found something. spiritually. like a rebirth situation. there's a group — i won't say cult, the word 'cult' carries baggage — but a group that has very specific rules about hair and sonic purity and how you have to shed the old self before you can step into the new work. they're very serious. they have a compound, i believe, somewhere in the southwest. the group has rules. one of the rules is the hair. you don't ask questions about the hair rule. i'm not saying this is definitely what happened. i'm saying the timing lines up with some things i've heard.
- everyone making jokes but i'm going to remind you the last time matt devries cut his hair was 2009. in 2009: three legendary producers retired in the same month, two major indie labels folded, and a beloved cleveland venue closed permanently with zero warning. i'm not saying the hair was the CAUSE. i'm saying the hair was the SIGNAL. something is coming. this is not a haircut. this is a harbinger. check on your favorite bands. just as a precaution.
- wait wait wait i need everyone to stop for a second HE DIDN'T CUT IT. i just looked at three separate recent photos and the hair is THERE. i don't know what photo drip_god saw but this entire thread is built on a false premise. the hair is intact. the man is fine. you've all spent the last hour theorizing about something that did not happen. i'm not saying this to be difficult. i'm saying this because we've been down this road before (see: the motel/motor situation) and i will not be gaslit twice in one week
- ^^^^ the photos you're looking at are FROM BEFORE. there are new ones. i'm not making this up. the hair is gone. do your own research.
- the man can do what he wants with his hair. some of us don't have that luxury. 🤘
- ^^^^^ bigmetal just ended the thread and the thread doesn't even know it yet
- okay but here's the thing HAGER also had long hair in the 90s. hager is back (sort of, not anymore, it's complicated — see the other thread). devries cuts his hair. is this a message. is there a dominant-hair-energy situation happening behind the scenes and devries is making a symbolic concession to let hager's legacy breathe it's always about hager. every time. without fail. i don't make the rules
- hxc4life is onto something but i think the hager connection is more literal than that what if devries and hager had an agreement — going back to the early days — about the hair. like a sacred metal covenant. two men, one shared energy, the hair as a spiritual link between them. hager departs the show under mysterious circumstances. devries immediately cuts his hair. that is not a coincidence. that is a closing ritual. the hair was a bond. the bond is now severed. something has ended.
- riff_coroner out here writing the director's cut of this situation and i'm not even mad
- wait who is matt devries
- DWID PLEASE
- this is the thread we deserve. -admin